Firstly, a very happy new year to all my followers :)
I can't believe that it's been seven months since I last posted. Why is this? Because I didn't feel I had anything to write about for seven months? No, not exactly, I just didn't want to post for the sake of posting and really, it's been a bit of a weird time.
Pretty much my whole life I'd been working toward this fantasy of living and working abroad. If anyone asked me what I wanted to do when I was older I would reply convincingly that I wanted to become fluent in as many languages as possible and to use them to travel around Europe and to settle eventually in France and become a teacher. During my A Levels I always 'knew' that I wanted to do a Modern Languages degree and never considered anything else.
Until last summer, when I realised that, when I was asked about my future, my answer was always a lie. But not because I wanted to lie to people, but because I had also been lying to myself. Fast forward to the day before leaving for Uni and there I was, hysterical that I had made the wrong decision about applying to do Modern Languages at Essex Uni.
But I went, to try it, and I found that I was right, and that the course wasn't right for me. So I changed to a Linguistics degree which I really enjoyed. But then fast forward to the day before returning for my second term (3 days ago) and there I was again, hysterical about returning. But this time I can't work out why.
Is it because I don't want to return? Well I certainly know that this is the best degree for me, but is the life-style right? If I'm asked now what I want in ten years I reply, and this time my reply is (as far as I can tell as the moment) truthful, I reply that I would love to bake for a living, and to run my own coffee and cake shop. Only, I'm not sure how my degree leads to that or ultimately if that is what I really want.
Maybe people never know what they want until they have experienced it, either first hand or through seeing others having it, and then they can make an informed decision.
This post isn't supposed to be written in such a down-tone, and after re-reading it it really does seem fairly morbid, I just felt that need that everyone talks about to 'write it all down'. And so I did! I hope it will help!
Love, Emily X